Last Post

I know that it has been awhile, but I am home now and have already let myself fall into the trap of being stressed and busy. I spent a week and a half in the suburbs of Chicago, and I have been back at school for nearly a week now. Already I feel like I have let much of what I was hoping to hang on to from Colorado slip away. The memories of summer seem surreal sometimes because being back at home makes it hard for me to believe I actually experienced some of the things that I did.

Personal and spiritual growth was easier in the field training environment of LT, hidden away at the YMCA of the Rockies, but we have all been sent out to fight the real battles of the real world, which are proving themselves much more difficult. Yet, that was the point all along, and through the training I learned a lot about myself and a lot about God. Looking back, this summer further shaped me into who I am, and it strengthened my relationship with God beyond what I could have imagined. My outlook on life has definitely changed for the better.

I can easily say that this summer was the best one I've had yet. It was definitely harder to leave than it was to come, and for several days I was overcome by a sadness stronger than I've felt in a long time. I think that before this summer I had become too numb to feel anything that deep. Yet if that sadness is the price to pay for the joy I felt during my time in Colorado, then, borrowing a line from the movie Equilibrium, I gladly pay it. I am lucky that I had my brother there with me when I left, and after several rousing choruses of "Rooftops" by the Lostprophets, I felt better about going home.

If I ever attempt to write a book, I will have many more stories to fill its pages. Yet this chapter of my life is over, and so another begins. This is how life works, and although reflection on the last chapter will surely be valuable, I must read on in order to find out what happens next. Thank you all for your prayers and support, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Tyler

Ice Cream

In order to fully appreciate something, sometimes you have to miss it.  Out here I eat at the same cafeteria nearly every meal, I don't have music constantly playing, my communication with people is all but face to face, and the only flashing objects fighting for my attention are the stars and sunrises that are hidden where I'm from by little lights that make us feel safe.  Yet out here, I still have more than I need, and as distance makes the heart grow fonder, my appreciation for the things that I've realized I don't need has greatly increased.  Instead of being discontented by their absence, I am content without them and more grateful when I can listen to a CD or eat a grilled cheeseburger or call a friend I haven't talked to in a while.  As cool as this has been by itself, I think there is a deeper purpose to all this.  Early on in the summer a verse caught my attention because it reminded me of the ghost's feast in one of the Harry Potter books:

Ephesians 4:18-19
"[The Gentiles] are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.  Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."

In the Harry Potter book, the ghosts can't eat anymore, so they gather all of the most pungent, rotting food they can find and fly through it in hopes of catching a glimpse of what they could once taste.  It turns out that the verse applied to my own life more than I realized at the time.  By learning to avoid constantly trying to entertain myself, I think I have become less "separated from the life of God."  Some of the times that I have spent with God have been more fulfilling than watching my favorite movie, listening to my favorite CD, or *gasp* the two chalupa meal at Taco Bell.  Before this realization, I could have said that God had priority in my life, but it wouldn't have meant anything.  I also feel like I am less distracted to God's leadings, and at the same time, better able to enjoy the things that once distracted me.  A passage from Through Painted Deserts also spoke to me on this subject:

"If a man's senses are either sharpened or dulled by the way he rubs against time, mine have become increasingly sharp over these last three weeks.  I am hungry, so I appreciate food and thank God for it whenever I find ice cream or other perishables in a condo I am cleaning.  I appreciate friendship and don't need a television to keep me company.  I appreciate birds chirping, as there is no radio to seduce my ears.  I appreciate God, because I live in the house He has made, as opposed to a house I purchased by my own means."

The ice cream we find in the vacant cabins while we are delivering roll-aways before the housekeepers get there is always delicious.  The challenge will be keeping all this once I get back to suburbia.

In one week I'll probably be on my way back home.  I'm pretty much freaking out.  I realized that I've never left a place with the idea that I probably won't see most of the people I met ever again on this Earth.  I already hate goodbyes, what am I going to do this time?  On the other hand, I am very excited to see you all back at home.  Look out, though, I'll probably be better at breathing than you.

Home

I only have one laundry day left sometime next week, and I will be leaving this new home I have found in approximately two weeks and three days. Wow. I have learned a lot this summer, and since it is starting to come to a close, I decided that my last posts would be about some of what I learned. One of the things I learned is about homes. They have little to do with location and a lot to do with the people around me and the relationships I have with them. Even on week long trips I have seen familiar groups take on different dynamics, and I have met new people. I still miss some of these places, but if I went back alone, the only things I would be able to find are good memories. When I was going off to college my dad once told me, "Now you've made a bunch of good memories from high school, but maybe it's time to move on and make good memories in a new place."

It will be almost as hard to leave this place as it was to come. However, everyone here who will make it hard to leave will be leaving as well, leaving the place itself full of memories of the past but not much for the future. It will be time to rediscover the homes I left behind with a fresh perspective. My other option I guess is to find a new home, but after a visit from some friends and my family within the past two weeks, I am looking forward to the former. A familiar and comfortable home is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can easily trap me in a place where I am afraid to change and leave good things behind. However, without change, I slowly become unable to enjoy these good things because of the way I take them for granted.
I have always been and probably always will be afraid of change; however, after the few examples in my life of its importance, this fear is becoming more and more irrational. I am excited to return home because I think that I will have a new appreciation for all the things that I took for granted before. I might have a separate post about that, but we'll see.

I've thought about getting a tattoo for each home that I have known, like Something Corporate sings about in "I Woke Up in a Car", but I couldn't think of cool enough symbols or where to put them anyway. Oh well.

Birthday Party

Yesterday we celebrated two of my friends' birthdays that are coming up this next week. We went to a pizza place named after some guy, who I assume did something important to have a pizza place named after him. Perhaps he was a famous chef. Although I'll admit I've never heard of anyone with the last name "Cheese" before, I have to have respect for the guy and whatever feat he undoubtedly accomplished. After eating my pizza while being serenaded by several spazmatic robot animals, I put several moles in thier place, won several high-speed street races, rolled multiple balls over a ramp into numbered holes, and saved the world from zombie cowboys and cursed mummies. A good time was had by all.

Rain, Rain...

I had heard that it rained a little here every afternoon, but I had my doubts because it hardly rained at all during the entire month of June.  Well, now it's July, and it rained everyday last week. It rained all day on Saturday and Sunday.  I guess it's good because we really needed the rain out here, but it didn't make delivering roll-away beds much more fun.  On Saturday we had just delivered our twentieth roll-away or so, and we were muddy, soaking wet, and tired.  The guy we delivered it to could clearly see this, and he thought it funny to say, "Stay dry out there!"  So I punched him in the face.

That last sentence was entirely untrue.  Also, it wasn't all that bad splashing around in puddles and getting paid for it, but I would have rather been watching the rain from a porch somewhere.  Anyway, happy 7-11 day!  You should all go enjoy a slushie.

Book Report

I have a new favorite book. It's called Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. A couple weeks ago I was feeling homesick whenever I got tired, and I was trying to decide which of my books to read by flipping through some of the introductions. Here's what I found in this particular book: "I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way....Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." Since then I have relinquished most of my homesickness for reasons that I think are independent of the book, but it still made for an excellent read. It tells the story of two friends on a road trip with no real plan, and it is laid out in well-written, attention-grabbing, thought-provoking, hilarious fashion. The author describes his own realizations along the way about life and God that really resonated with me. I highly recommend it.

In other news, I performed my first clean up of a dead mouse today after a bitter defeat in two-out-of-three, shoot-after-three rock-paper-scissors. Please, everyone, a moment of silence.

Watch

Sometime ago, I decided that I needed a watch. Apparently all important people wear expensive watches, so I went to Wal-Mart and spent eight big ones on a nice little watch. It tells you the time and day, plus it has a timer and an alarm. For a long time I didn't wear it, so the batteries slowly ran out sitting in my drawer. Now that my cell phone won't tell me the time unless I drive three miles or hike up a mountain, I have started wearing my watch again so I can tell what time it is. Sometimes if I hit it on something in a certain way, the screen will go blank, but I can just smack it and it will start up again, so It's all good. My watch has earned several small scratches on the face, and I thought that the explanation of these scratches might make for some interesting stories.

Last night, I made my second trip to Old Man Mountain, which is less a cave and more a bunch of cracks between huge rocks piled up to make a small mountain. The entrance and exit is a small crack at the top of a fallen tree trunk that you have to climb to get in. Much of your time inside is spent in spaces that look much too small to contain a person, suspended between two walls by the friction of your hands, knees, and back alone. This time I scratched my watch a little bit before I got smart enough to put it in my pocket. Apparently you can actually climb Old Man Mountain as well, which I did not do last time, and an ascent to the peak reveals a view of the entire dimly lit city of Estes Park that obscures the night sky very little.

The second story concerning my watch involves our old friend Truck 1. My colleague/roommate and I were making some deliveries up in the section of the Y called the Summit. Driving up the Summit is difficult, but you can coast all the way down with a smaller-than-it-seems-like risk of flying off the edge of the road. Anyway, I thought that putting our old friend into four wheel drive would help our climb, and I did so. It seemed to help a bit. Once we made it to the desired cabin, I put our old friend in park, and my colleague and I exited the vehicle. We were about to unload the roll-away bed from the back when we realized that our old friend was rolling backwards. Like fools, we tried to push the truck back to where it had started out. That's how I scratched my watch. I quickly realized that this was not going to work and hopped into the cab to engage the brakes. All was well after I put the truck back into two wheel drive.

This past week was very restful, and now I feel ready to be challenged again. Things are becoming more familiar and routine, which has caused several things. First, I have finally become able to enjoy life where I am right now without thinking of what I might be missing at home. Second, it has made each week seem to go by faster than the last. Finally, the excitement of a new place and people has worn off leaving things to be enjoyed as they really are. I have somehow become more of a morning person, and by that I mean I planned on sleeping until noon today and could only sleep until 10. For real though, starting my day off with a couple minutes of reading and some food rather than a sprint to wherever I have to be has made a big difference. Also, yall need to keep me updated on how your summers are going. I can't believe it's already almost July.