Last Post

I know that it has been awhile, but I am home now and have already let myself fall into the trap of being stressed and busy. I spent a week and a half in the suburbs of Chicago, and I have been back at school for nearly a week now. Already I feel like I have let much of what I was hoping to hang on to from Colorado slip away. The memories of summer seem surreal sometimes because being back at home makes it hard for me to believe I actually experienced some of the things that I did.

Personal and spiritual growth was easier in the field training environment of LT, hidden away at the YMCA of the Rockies, but we have all been sent out to fight the real battles of the real world, which are proving themselves much more difficult. Yet, that was the point all along, and through the training I learned a lot about myself and a lot about God. Looking back, this summer further shaped me into who I am, and it strengthened my relationship with God beyond what I could have imagined. My outlook on life has definitely changed for the better.

I can easily say that this summer was the best one I've had yet. It was definitely harder to leave than it was to come, and for several days I was overcome by a sadness stronger than I've felt in a long time. I think that before this summer I had become too numb to feel anything that deep. Yet if that sadness is the price to pay for the joy I felt during my time in Colorado, then, borrowing a line from the movie Equilibrium, I gladly pay it. I am lucky that I had my brother there with me when I left, and after several rousing choruses of "Rooftops" by the Lostprophets, I felt better about going home.

If I ever attempt to write a book, I will have many more stories to fill its pages. Yet this chapter of my life is over, and so another begins. This is how life works, and although reflection on the last chapter will surely be valuable, I must read on in order to find out what happens next. Thank you all for your prayers and support, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Tyler

Ice Cream

In order to fully appreciate something, sometimes you have to miss it.  Out here I eat at the same cafeteria nearly every meal, I don't have music constantly playing, my communication with people is all but face to face, and the only flashing objects fighting for my attention are the stars and sunrises that are hidden where I'm from by little lights that make us feel safe.  Yet out here, I still have more than I need, and as distance makes the heart grow fonder, my appreciation for the things that I've realized I don't need has greatly increased.  Instead of being discontented by their absence, I am content without them and more grateful when I can listen to a CD or eat a grilled cheeseburger or call a friend I haven't talked to in a while.  As cool as this has been by itself, I think there is a deeper purpose to all this.  Early on in the summer a verse caught my attention because it reminded me of the ghost's feast in one of the Harry Potter books:

Ephesians 4:18-19
"[The Gentiles] are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.  Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."

In the Harry Potter book, the ghosts can't eat anymore, so they gather all of the most pungent, rotting food they can find and fly through it in hopes of catching a glimpse of what they could once taste.  It turns out that the verse applied to my own life more than I realized at the time.  By learning to avoid constantly trying to entertain myself, I think I have become less "separated from the life of God."  Some of the times that I have spent with God have been more fulfilling than watching my favorite movie, listening to my favorite CD, or *gasp* the two chalupa meal at Taco Bell.  Before this realization, I could have said that God had priority in my life, but it wouldn't have meant anything.  I also feel like I am less distracted to God's leadings, and at the same time, better able to enjoy the things that once distracted me.  A passage from Through Painted Deserts also spoke to me on this subject:

"If a man's senses are either sharpened or dulled by the way he rubs against time, mine have become increasingly sharp over these last three weeks.  I am hungry, so I appreciate food and thank God for it whenever I find ice cream or other perishables in a condo I am cleaning.  I appreciate friendship and don't need a television to keep me company.  I appreciate birds chirping, as there is no radio to seduce my ears.  I appreciate God, because I live in the house He has made, as opposed to a house I purchased by my own means."

The ice cream we find in the vacant cabins while we are delivering roll-aways before the housekeepers get there is always delicious.  The challenge will be keeping all this once I get back to suburbia.

In one week I'll probably be on my way back home.  I'm pretty much freaking out.  I realized that I've never left a place with the idea that I probably won't see most of the people I met ever again on this Earth.  I already hate goodbyes, what am I going to do this time?  On the other hand, I am very excited to see you all back at home.  Look out, though, I'll probably be better at breathing than you.